Despite my Scottish accent, both my names are as Irish as a grumpy donkey tied outside a whitewashed cottage, seagulls trying to steal chips on Dun Laoire Pier, and the ability to tolerate excessive levels of shocking shamrockery in order to fleece tourists of pint-money during the weeks around St. Patrick’s Day. Aefa is a […]
Tag Archives | tartan
Panda Tartan: Edinburgh Zoo I was 30-something years ahead of you
Finally, I no longer need to feel torn between whether to wear my official clan tartan options or the makey-uppy Mulholland one printed out for me by a charming gentleman I met in a muddy field in East Tennessee. And forget all previous plans I had to get kitted out head to toe in official Shrek […]
“I love you kilt and thistle with your tartan bounty and rich heritage”
Notes from a morning in Portland, Oregon, during which I continue to be perplexed about the fact that people make sporrans — Scottish manbags/kilt accessories — out of animal heads, after a visit to the Kilt and Thistle Shoppe in Salem. The next day at the Fresh Pot coffeehouse in Portland, I scroll down the […]
“But can you sit down?” A less demure take on tartan
Notes from a morning in Portland, Oregon, during which I consider adding more tartan to my wardrobe. I leave the café where I have been perusing Scottish-American taxidermy online and trot out onto Hawthorne Boulevard. A sausage dog lollops by, wearing a fetching Royal Stuart scarf. I see tartan everywhere all of a sudden. As […]
“I love you kilt and thistle with your tartan bounty and rich heritage”
Notes from a morning in Portland, Oregon, during which I continue to be perplexed about the fact that people make sporrans — Scottish manbags/kilt accessories — out of animal heads, after a visit to the Kilt and Thistle Shoppe in Salem. The next day at the Fresh Pot coffeehouse in Portland, I scroll down the […]
“You speak really good English for someone from Scotland”
Sometimes people say this kind of stuff to me when I’m on the road. Sometimes I eavesdrop.
“Well, when you find a woman who ain’t your cousin round these parts, you want to grab them fast. Why don’t you stay, we’ll get a cabin up in the woods, have us a shackload of kids?” Man with three teeth, Gatlinburg, Tennessee
Extraordinary
Still at the Kilt and Thistle Shoppe in Salem, Oregon, I search for my tartan. William is a man who knows his tartans and is happy to show me my colours on an aged monitor similar to the one I first played Donkey Kong on. We scroll through the 5000 tartans contained in the database […]
The Tartan Radar
…in which I continue my quest to become 100% Scottish by venturing into a Scottish Shoppe in Salem, Oregon My pace slows as I register the wail of bagpipes filling the synthetically bright, subterranean-level shoppe with their insistent drone. I am instantly sobered by their sound and assailed with sudden doubts about my ability to […]
Tiger tales
Seated in the front row of the 13,000-seat Memorial Coliseum for Portland’s Rose Parade, Dan and I consult the programme. It promises all sorts of shenanigans from the parade’s 5000 participants. I’m most looking forward to the Oregon Association of Mounted Posses, which is due to trot out “more than 75 horses and riders representing […]
Portland, Oregon, and Sloe Gin Fizz
“Well Portland Oregon and sloe gin fizz, if that ain’t love then tell me what is. Well I lost my heart it didn’t take no time, but that ain’t all. I lost my mind in Oregon.” So warble Loretta Lynn and Jack White on the track, “Portland, Oregon.” It seems that Loretta and Jack are […]
