Sometimes people say this kind of stuff to me when I’m on the road. Sometimes I eavesdrop. 1. “You speak really good English for someone from Scotland.” Gas station attendant, Hoquiam, Washington, Chapter 6: Hellhole of the Pacific 2. “Well, when you find a woman who ain’t your cousin round these parts, you want to grab them […]
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Lobster trumps Haddock (or why I first left Scotland and went to America)
I first moved over to this side of the Atlantic as part of a brisk Transatlantic trade in teen lobster servers. Back then, Scotland’s universities provided a summer supply of clambake attendants, buffet minions and housekeeping underlings to the hotels and resorts of Martha’s Vineyard each May. The Gulf War had smitten all graduate job […]
Stewed Pears and Eggplant
(I just added most of this bit to the Oregon chapter… after rummaging in the freezer…) I’m prospecting in Portland’s Scottish Country Shop, confused by their array of imported chocolate bars, kippers, Irish black puddings and jars of Sharwood’s curry. Looking in the freezer is like peeking into the cupboards of an eccentric, elderly Scottish aunt […]
The Only Kelpie on the Block
Dominic, a Filipino-American in Chicago for business, tells me at the buffet about how his people congregate in communities in the U.S. and asks me why don’t Scots do this. Why don’t we? Is it the Scottish Way to skulk off alone? To get absorbed into a new country? It seems we did congregate back […]
Everyone loves a Terrier
Notes from when I went to Georgia to go to a Scottie dog festival… Driving to Savannah. Savannah! Margaret Mitchell’s “Gently mannered city by the sea!” Hmmm. Where’s the sea? Perhaps behind those heavily fenced liquor stores? Or guarded by that belligerent fiercely tattooed guy over there? Ooh, look! You can buy alcohol with food […]
A quarter step away from war
Mighty Scotland, the 140th largest country in the world, slumps to 141st place next month when the creation of South Sudan shunts us further down the list of nations. Except, well, we’re not actually on the list of nations. The UN does not recognize Scotland as a country. Neither does America’s train provider Amtrak. Neither […]
First unofficial visit to Poland
I paid my first unofficial visit to Poland yesterday, it being just up the road and all from Berlin. Poland! How exciting! I had never been to Poland before. I saw a lot of very white people, some very impressive buildings and many, many, many shipyards. We discovered on our epic one hour and 54 […]
Snail racing
Yesterday I was editing a section of the book that makes a wee reference to the time I won 50 pounds on a snail race. I have also won money betting on dogs, horses, mice and siblings. I suffered most injuries from betting on siblings and mice. The snail won me the most cash. For […]
First steps
Yep, and we’re still on Hawaii. A pre-dancing breakfast is underway when we eventually clamber up to the Eugene and Harriet Ichinose Dance Palladium. I’m not sure whether Aloha wear was encouraged this morning, but since they’ve got this treasure theme and we spotted two skulls among the floral arrangements on the snacks table last […]
This Ain’t No Disco
Yep, more about Hawaii. I rambled on a fair bit about the place. One of the things I liked best about growing up in Scotland was the fact that, other than a brief six month-interlude when my mother bribed me with Jelly Babies to attend ballet lessons, nobody made me dance in public. Towering above […]
