Berlin, Day 5 Some things are definitely harder in German. Such as simple domestic tasks. I discovered this today. After my attempts to assist with working the coffee machine resulted in both Adrian and I (and all surrounding walls, floors and kitchen appliances for 15 feet) being pelted with generous servings of boiling coffee grounds, […]
About ecossaise
Kinderbeasts
Berlin, Day 3 Our new abode is gargantuan! If we crammed my last three apartments and one of the more compact Getrankeshops from Frankfurter Allee in here (and made them wear lederhosen), there would still be enough room for a currywurst stand. I am getting a lot of exercise loping between my desk and the […]
The Scottish Ambassador to Germany
Day 1 We’re on an EasyJet flight from Glasgow to Berlin. So are a number of exceptionally inebriated Scottish stag party loads. The seats all around us are filled with the distinctly boisterous stag crew for an Aberdonian called Flumpy. His shiny red face beams out from all of 15 matching t-shirts his friends wear. […]
Portland Oregon and Sloe Gin Fizz
“Well Portland Oregon and sloe gin fizz, if that ain’t love then tell me what is. Well I lost my heart it didn’t take no time, but that ain’t all. I lost my mind in Oregon.” So warble Loretta Lynn and Jack White on the track, “Portland, Oregon.” It seems that Loretta and Jack are […]
Crosschecking
I stand in line for U.S. immigration at Vancouver airport, beside a sign warning that maple syrup is among prohibited items in hand baggage, and entertain myself with syrupy sweet plans to wreak havoc and destruction on an unsuspecting world. I smirk at my sticky schemes and an elegant East European woman moves away from […]
A convoke of pies
No idea why, but some weird spambot blog has used a post of mine but fed it through some sort of olde worlde Babelfish translator thingy. This is now my favourite edit of this chapter so far. I would never have thought of describing my discomfort as “fugacious.” Here are a few of my favourite […]
Learning to be Scottish in American-English
The last couple of days, I’ve been working on pesky wee details about the book. Like whether it’s in British-English or American-English. At the moment it’s mid-Atlantic. Half and half. I live considerably to the left of the Atlantic and write for a slew of US outlets, so writing in US English makes sense. But […]
Going the distance
At one stage, early on in “The Scottish Ambassador” process, I thought writing this book would be a fairly straightforward task. After all, this is not my first book. I wrote my first one when I was six. How hard could another one be? My writing career has shown some consistencies over the decades. My […]
Resolve.
Last week AOL asked me to write a piece on travel resolutions for their readers. While those five are definitely contenders for my own personal list of resolutions (with the possible exception of drinking plastic bags of tea—I prefer it by the bucket), my version features a few alternative aspirations for 2011. 1 Wreak revenge […]
“You’re Beautiful.”
[First wee excerpt from the Florida chapter — from my two trips down there, currently titled “Banquet of Consequences” or perhaps “To a Pelican” or “To an Octogenarian Ex-Pat at a Burns Supper on the Rodeo Grounds.” I am still mulling over this one.] Walking through a seemingly deserted exit at Fort Lauderdale Airport I […]
